On women, men, attractiveness, and sex.

Suitably for International Women’s Day, I came across a joke meme on Facebook along the lines of the sexual preferences of most young women. The gist was basically women do not like to be hit upon by “ugly guys” or men whom they do not find attractive. What the post, and many other like it, exaggerated upon was that most young women do not even like to have regular, normal conversations with unattractive men and an attempt at flirting is usually followed by a rude put-down. Of course, this argument has been iterated and reiterated hundreds of times over the last few decades by a wide range of commentators and observers ranging from “Men’s Right Activists” to pick-up artists, bloggers writing on women and lifestyle, feminists, and people interested in current affairs.

The debates around this are obviously never-ending and contentious. However, a few things can be summed up and neatly fit into logic: most people, both men and women, are always on the lookout for potential sexual partners; most individuals feel better talking to a person they find attractive, with the possibility of sex sub-consciously and remotely playing in their mind, and women as much as men, like to have sex with people they find attractive. In a country like ours, where large numbers of men – 1) Have not had much sexual experience outside of marriage 2)Do not or cannot take “No” for an answer from a woman, 3) Have not cultivated the personal skills, traits and habits that can increase their attractiveness for women,   men will have to understand and accept that 1) most women would want to have sex only with guys they find attractive 2) more often than not, that guy will not be them, and 3) they will mostly have to accept this and cannot force sex on a woman – which constitutes rape and a crime.

Now, coming to the attractiveness part, a lot of men seem to find it hard to accept that women may even have preferences for male attractiveness. Many men seem to think that just being born with a dick entitles them to sex with a woman. Men do not realise that most women like tall men with square jaws, big muscles and abs and an awesome hairstyle in the same way that men like women with big boobs and nice hair. In a patriarchal society like India or Sri Lanka, where men were the bread-earners and their value in the sexual marketplace depended on their wealth and their career, most men have had little incentive to enhance their own attractiveness. In the same vein, where women traditionally have had little to no opportunities for earning their own living, they often have had to compromise when it comes to sexual attractiveness of their partners. With the changing society post-1991 liberalisation, the employment opportunities for women have exploded, thus introducing the new element of “male attractiveness” which was hitherto absent in the Indian dating/marriage scene.

In conclusion, Indian men, especially those who regularly come into contact with independent, self-earning and attractive women, whether in their professional or social circles, will have to accept that women mostly like attractive men for sex. Definitions of attractiveness change from person to person, but hey, lets accept that there is a standard, superficial form of attractiveness mostly based on Caucasian beauty standards, further drummed-up by mass media. Most people are born with their looks, but someone can always enhance their attractiveness by working out, lifting weights, dressing well/choosing a nice wardrobe, good hygiene, good hair care and skincare, etc. What do you think of this issue? Share your thoughts in the comments!